Hard Times

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Daryl

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Hey all,
I just thought I'd put something out there about tough times. Recently, I spoke with a friend of mine that I knew in High School and we talked about how we had lost our parents to cancer. For him, he lost his father to bone cancer in a very horrific and elongated ordeal. I lost my grandparents, one after the other. My grandmother had lung cancer that metasticized. My grandfather had bladder cancer that metasticized as well. I really had no father around and my mother was useless and abusive. I had to be strong and hold up to so much horror that I think I blocked it all out. I had to take it because I had to protect my sister. After talking things over with my friend, I started to recall things, such terrible things that I had forgotten. I am hurting so bad right now. I never got a chance to feel anything way back then. I had to pretend I was OK so I could keep caring for them. The disease accelerated while the level of horror increased. I can barely see the screen through my tears. I want any of you out there that are knee deep in some **** right now to know that you are not alone. I don't know what kinds of challenges you have in your life, but I love you and wish you peace.
 
My heart goes out to you Daryl. I believe many of us have seen terrible things within our families and friends. We all handle it our own way but all
in all its about the hug that is needed when needed. No offense but the eerie thing is that out of nowhere last night my wife and I gave each other a hug and kiss as we were leaving a show. A woman walked up and
said she just needed a hug too and explained herself in a similar manner
as you have. So I wish nothing but the best for you fellow mod slinger.
Take care. :)
 
BigBrewtus said:
My heart goes out to you Daryl. I believe many of us have seen terrible things within our families and friends. We all handle it our own way but all
in all its about the hug that is needed when needed. No offense but the eerie thing is that out of nowhere last night my wife and I gave each other a hug and kiss as we were leaving a show. A woman walked up and
said she just needed a hug too and explained herself in a similar manner
as you have. So I wish nothing but the best for you fellow mod slinger.
Take care. :)
Thanks Brewtus,
I appreciate it a lot. I have had some really serious challenges in my life, but I am OK. I am still here and I choose to look to the positive. I got a lot to be thankful for and I am sincerely grateful. Much love... :)
 
Wow...That was intense...Daryl, you gotta be a strong person to go thru all that and still come out to be a funny and good natured individual...No one deserves to be treated like that but it sounds like you've taken a lot of good from it which is impressive to say the least...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and all who feel the same...Just remember that as these memories come back, that you were a great person then and even better now...

I sincerely would suggest going to a counselor to work through this...If it's coming to the surface now, it's meant to...You had to deal with all that already on your own once...The best gift you can give yourself is to put it behind you with some help...Don't go through it all alone again...

All the best,
Fig
 
Daryl,
Never hesitate to reach out to those who care about you. I lost my father at 17 and my mother today would be have been called bipolar. It is very hard
to be abused by the one person in the world who gave you life.
I'm 62 and the only one left of my family.
Time is kind. While memories will always be, the pain does go away.
You are in my prayers.
 
Thanks a lot Fig and KC2eeb,
I am OK. I just got a little of the old PTSD from all of the suffering and gore that I had to witness. Like a Vietnam vet that occasional has dreams or intense memories, I sometimes remember when the right trigger sets it off. It's amazing the power of just venting out and getting something off my chest. The important thing for me was to remember that my grandparents (who were really more my parents because of no dad and my useless mom.) would have never chosen to get sick. It's not their fault. It's not my fault. There is no blame to hold onto. The universe allowed me to experience something for a reason and I am grateful for the lesson. It has given me perspective when dealing with people that are struggling and patience for those that are blatantly fucking up. I am so much stronger and secure with who I am because I had to spend so much of my life asking the key fundamental questions over and over. Who am I? What am I here for? Music has been the most wonderful therapy for me. It has always been a very intense and spiritual thing for me. Some of the best moments of my life were when I was a kid and I would take my Sony Walkman, hide in my room and listen to the rock stations all night long. And that was at a time when I was knee deep in the ****. Even when things are really hard, life is beautiful and there is so much love in people. I am fortunate enough to have a really good support structure and a great girl that loves me. I've got my dad back in my life and he is a rock. I don't know why I posted this thread, but I am overwhelmed by the love and respect that I am receiving. I am humbled and honored. Thank you. :D
 
Venting is healthy and necessary...While I won't disclose here exactly what, I am living with a condition that fucks me up all the time...And not in a good way...:)

Dealing with the hand we're dealt is hard when others around seem to have a better hand...

But you got it right bro...Just from the funny **** you say and such I can tell you are a light-hearted soul even with heavy baggage from the past...It's all in what we can truly learn from and if you can take tragedy and turn it into thankfulness, you own the key to the universe...I'm telling you, that is the one truth I am sure of...I work with special needs students and they have the key already...If you ever want to experience total acceptance and pure, unadulterated fun and true happiness- come to a Special Olympics event and go to the dance...Never have I been around such great people...Truly...They get it....Many live in shitty group homes with no family to speak of and yet, they know when it's time to have fun- nothing else matters but enjoying those around you...It's what you make of the good moments and how you learn to appreciate the opportunities given...

So what I'm essentially telling you Daryl is to be retarded...I think you're half-way there! So congrats! :twisted:
 
Mattfig said:
I work with special needs students and they have the key already...If you ever want to experience total acceptance and pure, unadulterated fun and true happiness- come to a Special Olympics event and go to the dance...Never have I been around such great people...Truly...They get it....Many live in shitty group homes with no family to speak of and yet, they know when it's time to have fun- nothing else matters but enjoying those around you...

So what I'm essentially telling you Daryl is to be retarded...I think you're half-way there! So congrats! :twisted:
That's a pretty crazy coincidence because I used to work with the developmentally disabled as well. I worked as a skills trainer for SPARC Enterprises. My job was to help integrate my clients into the public. I would have to teach them everything from how to brush their teeth to balancing a checkbook for the higher functioning folks. I've been to the dances and it is amazing how much they enjoy such simple things. I worked at a group home for DD adults after I saw that no one wanted to do it. I couldn't help but leave my cushier position and got right into trying to help these guys out. Before I left, I joined a band in Denver, we took these gentlemen from being absolutely not acceptable in public to having outings twice a week. When they would see me they would smile and erupt into unintelligible noises, but I could feel the love. They were my boys. I miss them, but I'll see them on the other side and maybe we'll have a beer or something. :D
 
Daryl, I send prayers and mojo to you, sir...

I've dealt with an ongoing situation of my own for an extremely long time, and watched my mother's husband pass from cancer, and some years back, an ex-GF suffer the same. I've been the caretaker, at different times, for both parents; I found my father passed away in bed one morning in 1993, and it still haunts me. My mom is 91 now, and when they get to this point, you know it's only a matter of time. My current GF has a lupus-like condition, which requires a ton of meds, and she still has alot of pain; I do as much as I can for her, also...

I say this to let you know, you are not alone...

Stay strong, man
 
crushabud said:
Daryl, I send prayers and mojo to you, sir...

I've dealt with an ongoing situation of my own for an extremely long time, and watched my mother's husband pass from cancer, and some years back, an ex-GF suffer the same. I've been the caretaker, at different times, for both parents; I found my father passed away in bed one morning in 1993, and it still haunts me. My mom is 91 now, and when they get to this point, you know it's only a matter of time. My current GF has a lupus-like condition, which requires a ton of meds, and she still has alot of pain; I do as much as I can for her, also...

I say this to let you know, you are not alone...

Stay strong, man
Thanks bro,
I feel you on that all the way. I had to be caregiver and witnessed some stuff, but I am not confronted by that now and I am grateful. My prayers go out to you. You are in the middle of some struggles right now and it shows strength of character to care about others when you are in a tough spot yourself. You are a strong individual. I am proud and honored to know you, even if it just on the forum. Take care, brother. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Peace.
:D :D :D
 
Daryl said:
crushabud said:
Daryl, I send prayers and mojo to you, sir...

I've dealt with an ongoing situation of my own for an extremely long time, and watched my mother's husband pass from cancer, and some years back, an ex-GF suffer the same. I've been the caretaker, at different times, for both parents; I found my father passed away in bed one morning in 1993, and it still haunts me. My mom is 91 now, and when they get to this point, you know it's only a matter of time. My current GF has a lupus-like condition, which requires a ton of meds, and she still has alot of pain; I do as much as I can for her, also...

I say this to let you know, you are not alone...

Stay strong, man
Thanks bro,
I feel you on that all the way. I had to be caregiver and witnessed some stuff, but I am not confronted by that now and I am grateful. My prayers go out to you. You are in the middle of some struggles right now and it shows strength of character to care about others when you are in a tough spot yourself. You are a strong individual. I am proud and honored to know you, even if it just on the forum. Take care, brother. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Peace.
:D :D :D

:D Thanks, very much the same, sir 8)
 
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